We made vaginamuffins
Because you asked for it! 😀
Because they’re fun, and tasty, and hopefully make you smile. Also really easy to make and don’t require any shenanigans or fancy equipment. Unless you want to use fancy equipment, then be my guest. Also, you don’t have to have a vagina to make these. What ever the baker’s own equipment is, it makes no difference in the final result.
The base is a very easy and yet super tasty chocolate muffin, and for the actual vagina we chose to use a smooth vanilla buttercream, enjoy!
Super easy one-bowl chocolate muffins
1 ½ cup all-purpose flour
½ cup unsweetened cocoa powder
0.8 cup of granulated sugar (yes, that is really hard, just throw in something between ¾ and 1 cup)
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp vanilla extract
½ cup milk
3.5 oz butter
3/4 cup dark chocolate, crushed/shaved/cut up
So we converted the measurements from deciliters to cups and grams to ounces, but you can still find the original european measurements in the video below.
Melt the butter, or margarine if you prefer, and let it cool down a bit. In a bowl, of your own choosing, stir together the dry ingredients. Mix in the milk, eggs and butter, and continue mixing until smooth and even. Add in the chocolate, you can also use chocolate chips if you want, not that big of a difference.
Divide the batter evenly in lined muffins tins. About 12 of them. Bake in 350 F for 20-25 minutes (or at 180 C, still the same amount of time though). You can easily test if the muffins are done, like any other cakes, with a toothpick. Poke it in and if the toothpick comes out clean the cupcakes are ready.
Let your muffins cool completely before frosting, we don’t want your pussy to melt. Now’s a good time to sit down and have a cup of coffee, (or a glass of wine,) or maybe make the frosting. Or a little bit of both.
Just a tip! Using a piping bag to fill the muffin cups makes it all a lot easier.
3.5 oz butter, room temperature
9 oz powdered sugar
5-7 tbsp milk
2 tsp vanilla extract
Pink pearl dragees
Chocolate curls or shavings
With a mixer, beat the room temperature butter until pale and fluffy. Add vanilla extract and fluff a bit more. Gradually add in sifted powdered sugar, and beat well after each addition. Lastly, beat in milk.
We chose to do our vaginamuffins in two tones, peachy and light pink, but in real life there are many varieties of colors in both, vaginas and baked goods, so feel free to change the coloring to your liking.
Separate the frosting for coloring. We needed more of the light peachy stuff, so the split was about ¼ and ¾. Color as wanted, but be careful when adding red food coloring, so your muffin doesn’t look inflamed and painful.
For those of us who don’t really want to make their own frosting, there’s plenty of ready mades you can just buy and color. Less mess to clean up. And we don’t judge if you buy the muffins either. 🙂
Just the tip! For a little something extra, you can replace the vanilla extract in your frosting with three teaspoons of raspberry liqueur. These aren’t for kids anyway.
On with the frosting! You’ll need two piping bags, and if you have tips, cool, if you don’t, let’s just cut the ends of the piping bags (preferably disposable ones here, but remember to recycle!), fill one bag with approximately one half of the buttercream of your outer labia color, and the other with all of the inner labia one.
Take a knife, or a spatula if you’re more comfortable with that, and cover the top of your muffins with the remaining unbagged frosting. Then you take your chocolate shavings or curls, and sprinkle those on your muffins, again, the style is completely up to you. Some like a full bush, some prefer a little stubble, or a landing strip, or some don’t like any curls on their muffin.
Now for the cutting of the piping bags. We want a circle cut for the outer labia, that’s easy, just snip off the tip of the bag. Around less than half an inch, start small, you can always cut more if needed. Don’t worry, there’s pictures on the cuts below.
Inner labia is a bit more tricky. We want a ribbon style piping to come out, so just cut off the tiniest slither from the corner of the tip, in line with the seam of the bag. Hard to explain, easy if we could draw. We can’t. Again, less is more, you can cut more when or if needed.
Pipe the outer labia first, don’t worry about perfect lines and shapes, all of our muffins look different and it’s the inside is what counts. Then add your inner lips, like flower petals 🙂 . For the final touch, add a pearl for the clit. Beautiful.
All done, you can use these to liven up a party, to promote sexual health, or to shock your mother-in-law. Or for any other reason you want, enjoy!
The writer of this story is a member of the Mom of Finland community.
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