If you can’t beat them, join them. This applies to mosquitos just as well as it does to any other thing flying between the heaven and the earth. No use whining about what a horrible summer it’s gonna be with all the mosquitos around, if you’re not willing to take the reins and do something about it:

There’s no law against making dinner out of mosquitos, is there? Everyone already has a mosquito trap on the patio of their summer cabin. Just make it worth it’s while and make use of the spoils. The same traps could be set up on the roofs of restaurants here, like in France, where people shelter city bees on the roofs of their city homes. When we get enough mosquitos, we could air dry them up for snacks, like some other nations upcycle their flies, or is it crickets? And now when Nordic Cuisine, and especially new protein sources, are on the rise in food trends, a chef doesn’t need to overly explain, just tell the customer that it’s mosquito, it’s “In”, and voilá, here come the Michelin Stars. Only thing preventing the use of mosquitos as a food source is an unimaginative chef, and we’d rather be creative, right?

Finnish Design is always trendy and highly appraised. At least the older stuff, but where’s the freshness? This is easily mended, let’s make a design competition, with mosquitos as the raw material. You could make many kinds of fancy design things from dried mosquitos, one could imagine charms and other jewelry, like the one guy did in Jurassic Park with amber. The techniques used are left for the designers themselves to figure out, we’re not gonna give them all the answers. Have to work for their money. Like Alvar Aalto, he didn’t ask questions, he just did it, and without the help of modern technology too. To boot, there could be a mosquito themed performance art piece at The Senate Square.

Mosquitos make more sound than an average Finnish town. Again, using the mosquito traps, we gather up a swarm, and lock them up in a container where they will produce electricity and heat with their sound waves and kinetic energy. Finland can start exporting mosquito-energy-generators, and produce eco friendly energy, which should be in high demand. Mosquito-energy would be revolutionary as a green energy, no need to confine wind and water. At this point, we don’t know if the the disposal of the used energy-mosquitos would become a problem, and if deep geological disposal is needed. Maybe not.

Hunting mosquitos is an excellent sport. Could even be an Olympic Sport! The best part is, it’s a stable one, since we will never run out of mosquitos, that’s for sure. In The Mosquito Hunt, the contenders will enter a swamp donning the traditional Finnish attire, your birthday suit (naked!), and armed with an electric racket. The rules are easy, stay alive and kill as many mosquitos as you can, with your electric racket. You’re not even required to participate in other Finnish summer traditions, like public urination or public sexual indecency. A family friendly version of the game can be carried out in any backyard, with participants of all ages, but in this case we recommend you put on at least some sort of sportswear for coverage.

The health care is in constant need of blood. Instead of constantly begging us to give blood, the focus can and should be in mosquitos. On daily bases, a lot more blood is in mosquitos than in a weak donor. There must be a way in modern technology to suck the blood right back from them.
Another idea is to make up a form of alternative treatment for example for erectile dysfunction, that has to do with the healing powers of mosquito bites. Soon there will be a line of people waiting to get stung, or bit. Or sucked on? The campaign “Mosquito is our friend” will surely get endorsed with millions of Euros from the government. Or EU.

Everyone who ever needed to travel with children to anywhere at all, knows it’s an experience filled with whining and arewethereyets. Well fear no more! Just open your car’s sunroof, stick out your children’s heads, and tell them to open their mouth but keep their teeth clenched together. Whoever catches the most mosquitos between their teeth wins. Let the games begin. You might get unlucky in this game if all your front baby teeth have fallen out at the same time, but then you get a free snack. In best case scenario, this game will bring up to half an hour of quiet time in the back seat. Disclaimer: not recommended for high speed travelling, since a kid might fly out.

— Editors

The writer of this story is a member of the Mom of Finland community.

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