Don’t you think it’s unfair how after getting to grow the baby for nine months in their uterus women get to stay home with the babies too, and form the most important bonds in the world, while you as a husband or boyfriend or spouse, or father, of any kind are stuck at work day after day after day? Don’t you too wish that you could spend the first three years of a child’s life with them at home, teaching them about life, football and baseball and cars and dolls and such, just being there with them and watching them grow? You should come to Finland and make babies here.

While not 100% sure on how that would work, maybe if you marry a Finn, move to Finland to live with them, and then make a baby together, here’s what you would get, being a father of a Finn:

First off, you would get paternity leave. Well technically first off you would get a baby, and that indeed is a precious gift. Then you get paternity leave. Since mom kinda did the work and actually pushed the baby out of their vagina, which you hopefully didn’t see, since everyone should know the number one rule of being present while a child is being born: no spouses or friends or grandmothers should ever cross the waistline of the birthing mother. Stay with the upper body. The head and hands and the face contorted with pain and anguish. Down there it’s for medical professionals only. And for the baby itself naturally.

So paternity leave. When there’s a new baby, it’s completely acceptable and very much encouraged for the father too to stay at home with the baby for a couple of weeks. You get paid salary for this time, or you get paternal allowance from the government. And if you as parents agree, that you would like to be the stay at home parent instead of the birthing mother, you can take the rest, about six months, of parental leave after the maternity leave ends, when the baby is three months old or so.

Photo by Peter Dlhy, cover photo by Picsea.

After paternity leave, you can still stay at home with the baby if you choose to. Up until the baby turns three years old, and you will, just like the mother, still be able to go back to the job you had before the baby. Or you can stay at home partially for that time, working part time, because flexible employers are not just for moms. Or you can divide the time spent at home with the child with your spouse in a way that best suits you all as a family.

Are you ready to go find an eligible Finn to make babies with?

— Editors

The writer of this story is a member of the Mom of Finland community.

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