Someone once voiced a suspicion that the parents of small children are playing hooky at home, allegedly taking care of their sick children. Someone is of course worried. Just in case that this Someone doesn’t have children, here’s a recap of a day spent at home avoiding work.

We of course will now assume that the child is not sick, and that the parent is just lazy and claiming an illness took over this perfectly healthy child. You have to stay inside your home the whole day, because if you are seen outside, it’s all over, the cover will be blown.

A four year old locked inside all day is charming company. The television can hold their focus for an average of three minutes, and after that the whole neighborhood will know that the child does not appreciate the shows the channels now have to offer. Screaming and hair pulling ensues.

A healthy preschooler is full of energy. They will spend this energy in these following ways: building a path around the whole house with all the books that they can find, discovering a small tear in the wallpaper and finishing that to a full blown crack in the fabric of the universe, painting their clothes with watercolors, and filling the cat bowls with the wrong kind of food, so the cats will eat themselves sick and need an urgent stomach pumping. And all this in the time it takes for you to go to the bathroom with the door closed.

After calling a vet and cleaning the wallpaper scraps from under the bed, your boss calls. And this is the best part of playing hooky under the guise of a sick child. The child will instinctively know that something is up. Even if they were focused on quietly destroying the house, the tone of the parents voice will alert them. No matter where you go to try to take the call, in the bathroom, in your closet or even in the basement, your boss will hear your child banging the door and shouting out potty words with a voice ever so clear and healthy. Some carefully selected profanities will spice the situation along its way towards its hell bent end.

It’s hopeless to even think that the child will calm down for a nap, or take some downtime with books so you could make yourself something to eat. No no, the child of course will want to chop the potatoes, bake, iron and do laundry, all at the same time. Don’t even think that during this false sick-day you get anything else to eat besides that one cold hot dog. And there’s cat food too.

At night, to celebrate your extra day off, you can have a glass of wine and start cleaning the house. Soon you’ll notice that one glass is not even remotely enough. Fortunately you don’t have to stay at home tomorrow, you can go back to work and rest.


— Editors

The writer of this story is a member of the Mom of Finland community.

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