It’s a risky business, gifting lingerie to a woman. There’s so many ways to screw that up.

Traditionally, lingerie is viewed as a very romantic gift, but that does not mean that women want to unwrap a bra and panty set on Christmas morning. Some do, many do, but also many don’t. And even if they do, it’s just not that simple.

So where did you go wrong if unwrapping undergarments doesn’t bring a smile on your special lady’s face?

In many cases the problem simply is that the person shopping underwear for someone isn’t shopping for someone. Men buy ladies sexy lingerie for themselves: to admire their loved one wearing them, and then to take them off, hopefully. And women know this, too.

If everything is good in the relationship and the woman is comfortable, they might enjoy dressing up in that sexy attire, for mutual benefit. But if there’s something wrong in your relationship, or just not quite okay, or maybe if the woman is just very tired, the gifted lingerie might come across as a demand.

You mean to say: “my precious, my beautiful, I would love to see more of you”, but your woman could take it to mean that even though she has cooked and cleaned for weeks and done the shopping and wrapping and decorations, she still needs to find energy to pleasure you. In this case, gentlemen, here’s a tip! Talk! Communicate. Let her know your real intentions, and let her rest if she needs to!

There’s also the matter of opinion on what is viewed as sexy lingerie. For you, sexy could be a few strings tied together in an elaborate way, but your lady might prefer something with a little more coverage. Or more frills, more lace, more something. If what you selected is something that she can feel sexy wearing, there’s a good chance that you will get to enjoy her in it. The stripper style might not be your old ladys personal thing, and the wrong style choices could spark sulking, with thoughts like “I need to wear this for you to want me?”

And then there’s the dreaded question of size. Just go have a look at her drawer already. There’s already a selection of panties and bras with the right size labels on them. Do not for one moment think that it will be fine if you just go to the store and measure by cupping your hands. It’s very easy to get the sizing wrong, and it comes with very bad results. If you buy something too big, she could think that maybe you see her bigger than she actually is, or maybe you’d want her to be bigger, or curvier. If the size is too small, she might feel that you want her to lose weight. Even smart and confident women could think like this, because we have been taught that it’s okay and normal for other people to judge your body. Getting the size wrong can feel like a judgement too.

When it comes to sizes, the safest garments are garter belts and stockings, and babydoll nighties. Bras are most definitely the hardest to size right. Attention! In no circumstances should you buy garter belts and stocking to someone who has never liked them or would never ever try those on. Women want to feel appreciated as they are. So if your woman is more flannel pajama’s type, get her flannel pajamas! You can take those off too!

— Editors

The writer of this story is a member of the Mom of Finland community.


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