Got company coming? Maybe for the holidays, and you just didn’t have time to clean? Or didn’t feel like cleaning? No worries! Here’s a few tips guaranteed to save the day!

The Ambush At The Door

Don’t let your guests have one moment without any refreshments, and ambush them right at the door with a strong drink! Soon you’re guests will be too tipsy to notice that it looks like a bomb went off in your living room. If you don’t want to serve alcohol, offer your guest something very sugary and messy, like Finnish Christmas Tarts. This way they’ll be: 1. On a sugar high, and 2. Worried that THEY will make a mess!

The Spray Out

Like fake out, butter better. Get a spray bottle and fill it with chlorine or something, and spray it all around before your guests enter. Your house will smell sooooo clean, so hygienic! Don’t worry about it making it hard to breathe, or being harmful for your lungs, at least everyone will think you are a very clean person!

The Winter Wonderland

Throw fake snow or corn starch everywhere. You won’t have to vacuum and people will just assume you’re very in to Christmas!

The Tragic Accident

Leave out a mop and the vacuum and tie your arm in a sling. Tell everyone, that you were cleaning, and tripped over furniture polish, and you got hurt bad. You will be viewed as hard working person, and you get compassion too! If you’re super lucky, someone will offer to do the holiday cleaning for you!

The Softest Bed Ever

Hide all the laundry from the couch, chairs and floor under your bed covers. If the guests seem to eye the pile suspiciously, just tell them that you just got yourself some new super puffy comforters.

The Panic Room

Pick one room and stuff everything in sight in that room. Close the door and keep it closed! Tell your guests that your pet boa Slinky is having his free time there and you can’t open the door right now. If someone wishes to see Slinky, tell them that he has social anxiety and that you respect his limits.

The Slippers

As soon as your guests arrive, offer them slippers to be worn inside, since your floors are “very drafty”. When they wear the slippers they won’t notice the sand and breadcrumbs clinging on their feet. NOTE! Make sure your slippers are super fluffy and static, so they will mop up all the dust and this way your guests will do the cleaning for you!

The Duct Hustle

Poor some fabric softener down the drain and hot water to follow. This makes your home smell like fresh laundry! Remember to use a scented fabric softener.

The Pooch Swindle

Grab some foam like from a mattress or take a pillow and just tear it into pieces on the floor. When you’re guests arrive, apologize for the mess and explain to them that your dog JUST destroyed it. This way everyone will focus on THAT mess and no one will even notice you haven’t cleaned!

The Light It UP

Everyone knows that old trick with candles, turn your lights off and use candles to bring the seasonal ambience to your home. This way your guests can’t see any messes around them. Well it’s time to kick it up a notch! Fill your home with blinking LED-lights! Hang them EVERYWHERE and make sure that they blink out of sync. It will be impossible to see anything clearly.

The Saving The World

Inform your guests that you have experienced an environmental enlightenment and you refuse to clean your house anymore. Cleaning your house wears the surfaces down, and you don’t want to expose the environment to more chemicals, so you will not be participating in the cleaning hoax of modern society anymore! It’s an easy way to help stop the global warming. Easy if you care enough, naturally. Not cleaning can feel hard at first, but Mother Earth thanks you!

The Desperation

Just throw EVERYTHING you own away. Everything. Voilá, you just KonMaried your house in one day!


P.S. Don’t invite people to your home who will judge you by how clean your home is. Let them get a room in a hotel, it’s clean there! And don’t actually pour chemicals down the drain, ok?

— Editors

The writer of this story is a member of the Mom of Finland community.

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