Your Yearly Horoscope for 2019
Your Yearly Horoscope by Mom of Finland is based purely on the art of good-fortune-telling, hocuspocusology and vague logic. Regardless of facts, and despite of fiction, Your Yearly Horoscope by Mom of Finland has the propensity to be at least a self-fulfilling prophecy, so do take this as a (semi)serious prediction for the new year.
Love and relationships
The demands of social life still haunt you in 2019. There is no change in sight and it pretty much looks like 2018 again. When it comes to love, this year you’ll be constantly asking yourself the important questions: “who loves me” and “who do I love”, just so you can answer with: “I don’t even know if I love myself” or “sorry, what?”.
The love you have for your children is being tested by the constant battles of screen time demands, junk food altercations, nonstop back talk and general lack of respect. Not to mention the fact that you are stranded in a permanent state of haziness, due to the ever-growing lack of sleep. If, and when, there’s any unrest in your relationship, the source can surely be traced to the shortage on couple time.
The love you have for your significant other, if you have managed to snatch one up and secured them to your cheetos-stained sofa for life, can be described with two words: humdrum and repetitive. The conversations that do accumulate the most sexual tension are the ones that deal with deciding on who’s turn it is to drive the kids to wherever they need to go today, and back, and who needs to prepare today’s mac’n’cheese, a dish that naturally will not satisfy the chic gastronomic taste of the fruits of your loins.
Neither one of you goes the extra mile to save the love you had before the children, and sexual frustration in a constant part of your life now. Your garden of love is left un-groomed, with freedom to grow wild, and that’s good, since it’s going to get colder still before the spring comes (unless you don’t live somewhere as arctic as Finland).
It’s not easier for the single people either. There’s a shortage of eligible men on the dating market, and the only types of fish there are plenty of, are rotten, spoiled and long past their shelf life. You might think that hanging around antiques makes you feel younger, but do keep in mind, that retro is so last season.
Photo by Greg Rakozy, cover photo by Anastasia Dulgier.
Money and career
Surprise surprise, there’s no surprises! You will not spend your year wondering on what to do next! The action packed little rascals in your life will keep you in constant motion, scraping their knees, losing their gloves and teddy-bears, puking all over the living room carpet, and doing other very common little rascal things to ensure that you don’t have a dull moment in your day! You’ll grow twice as old this year, or at least feel like you did.
The big action packed rascal in your life, your significant other, will also do his or her best to boost your aging process in this seven-year period of your life. So much that you will start to wish that he stays put on the cheetos-couch and doesn’t interfere with your well-managed-businesses!
For those who don’t have action packed rascals in their life, might be tempted to purchase a ready-made one, or two. Here’s some advice: don’t.
Health and well-being
Your well-being is directly correlated to how far is the distance between you and your next chocolate. If the chocolate is located beyond the reach or your arm, your well-being will start to deteriorate fast. Your health in 2019 is negatively affected by the approach of your boss, exercise or DIY crafts, the requirements for cleaning and housework, dieting and other nonsense that make you feel bad about yourself. Forget all that, take a break, put your feet up and have a cup of tea, or a glass of wine, and enjoy your New Year!
— Editors
The writer of this story is a member of the Mom of Finland community.
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